Unanswered Questions: Being a Mom After Losing Your Mom

I lost my mother to heart disease 13 years ago. The weight of her absence hits me at seemingly random times. Not on Mother’s Day or her birthday but when I’m not feeling well or lately when my girls reach a new milestone or experience and I want to share it with her.

I especially miss being able to ask her detailed questions about my childhood. Did I have colic as a baby and cry a lot? How old was I when I started to walk? When did I stop sucking my thumb? As I watch my girls grow up, I wonder how much of me is inside of them.

Patricia Rhodie
My mother, Patricia Rhodie

Baby Girl will stomp her foot and go humph and my husband will say that’s your child. Or she’ll stubbornly dig her heels in about an issue and my husband will say she’s his child. Baby Sis is quiet and laid-back like me and sucks her thumb like I used to.

My mother-in-law shares her memories of my husband – how he was potty trained by age one and the mischief he would get into. But I don’t have anyone to tell me about my baby and toddler years. I’ve asked me dad a few times but he doesn’t remember.

I hope I’ll be around to share stories with my girls when they become mothers. I’m sure I’ll chuckle when their little boy or girl throws a tantrum or decides he or she no longer wants to be potty trained. I also want to reassure them and let them know what they are going through is normal and that they are doing a good job. And I want to spoil and love my grandchildren like only a grandmother can.

But if I’m not here, I hope my writings and photos (I love to take photos of my girls) provide some comfort and fill in some of the gaps.

Serena SmithSerena Smith is a senior marketing communications specialist at ProMedica. Click here to read more posts from Serena’s monthly series, Working Mommyhood

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